Wednesday, September 22, 2004 :::

more ovaltine please!

I went to a bar tonight... this place called Cafe J's... met up with a girl I used to work with at the hospital, since her husband plays at the place.
So it was me, Lus, Terrie, and DG.
Fun stuff.

I finally had a chocolate martini.
It was ~way~ too strong for me. I had a few sips, then asked Eric (the bartender) for a shot of milk to add into it.
A few more sips and then I asked Eric to shake it again with more milk.
He laughed at me - saying I turned it into just a milkshake.
Gimme a break - I'm still fairly new to this.

Terrie had this long talk with me... saying I'm doing this for the wrong reasons.
if I had a nickel for every time someone's said that to me since I started doing it.
*shaking head*

Props to Lus, for calling in a favor and getting me a room at a holiday inn for ~ $30.
*high five*
thanks d00d!

also I've gotta give props to BoB. He spent ~ 3 or 4 hours on the phone with me last night... when I was seriously wigging out. I can be real hateful to him when I'm hurting... and it tends to be more than just a disregard for his feelings... tends to be me just really being hurtful to him on purpose...
So I'm sorry BoB. Thank you for being there for me.

I talked to david for a bit tonight.
He said goodnight to me.
First thing I did when he and I got off the phone was call BoB and tell him that David finally told me goodnight! Seems dumb, but what I would give to have him tuck me in again, and call me his "little burrito" just one more time.
I know it seems absurd... but I tend to stop eating and sleeping when... well... whenever david and I fight.
I slept with david on Saturday night, and I have not slept since then. I slept for about an hour or so Monday during the day, and about an hour this morning.

I wasn't doing too well at work tonight. I've been having a really hard time focusing my eyes. Honestly I think I'm able to see more clearly right now (after that martini that whooped me) than I was when I was still at work.

Godwilling tonight is the night that I'll get some sleep.
funny I should say that.
hopefully** tonight is the night that I'll get some sleep.

::: posted by tinafish at 2:06 AM :::